Relationship Counselling
Relationship counselling provides a confidential and supportive environment for you to work through
any difficulties you may be having in your relationship. The relationship will usually be between a
couple (married, co-habiting, heterosexual or same sex) but it may also be between members of the
same family, friends or other. It will allow you to explore these issues safely and without
judgement in order for you to gain clarity and solutions.
Issues: The 4 main Issues which tend to come up time and time again in Relationship/ Couple Counselling are;
Individual contribution: When one partner feels that they are contributing more than the other to their overall life/ relationship this generally causes resentment. Couples can contribute in different ways to separate areas of their lives/relationships but if overall this is not of an approximately equal measure then problems will usually arise. Symptoms of this could include; one partner feeling exhausted/stressed, being accused of always 'nagging', that the other doesn't do enough/ certain chores, spends too long on their own interests or, is 'never there'. The couple may seem locked in a 'power struggle' or having problems with their finances/debt.
Trust: There can be various issues around trust in relationships. For example, if one partner has 'betrayed' the other by having an affair (or is found out to have been dishonest about anything significant), this will naturally affect the trust they previously shared. However, sometimes there has been no 'betrayal' and it is more about the fears and insecurities of the individual who feels unable to trust. Symptoms of this could include; one partner making constant accusations that the other is seeing someone else, lying, or going to let them down, leave them etc. They may seem very 'jealous' and suspicious and be constantly trying to interrogate the other, check their phone, e-mails etc.
Childhood/ Family Dynamics: Our childhood experiences and family dynamics will always be significant as to how we function in our adult relationships. Often the 'role' we adopt as a child will continue to be the same one we continue to play throughout our adult life. As children we learn quite quickly what is 'required of us', we want to please our parents/ carers and rely on them for our survival. We will also learn a lot by example, the relationship (or lack of) that we witness between our parents will (whether good or bad) form our own role model for how a relationship is 'meant to be'. For example it is not unusual for someone who grows up with an abusive or aggressive parent to end up with a partner who is very similar. As a result they may end up replicating within their own adult relationship the same type of dynamic they witnessed between their mother and father. Although this does not seem to make sense rationally, emotionally/subconsciously this feels 'right', familiar and 'how it's meant to be'.
All of these issues are likely to result in distance and resentment between a couple. The longer they go unresolved the more chance a relationship will eventually breakdown completely and/ or one partner may look elsewhere to have their needs met.
In order for relationship counselling to work, both individuals have to be willing to prioritise their relationships needs. They have to be committed to making appropriate changes or 'doing things differently' in order to benefit the future of their relationship. If the relationship is going to work both parties need to be willing to meet somewhere in the middle/reach a compromise regards their 'differences' which feels 'good enough' for each of their needs, expectations, values etc.
Issues: The 4 main Issues which tend to come up time and time again in Relationship/ Couple Counselling are;
- Communication
- Individual Contribution
- Trust
- Childhood/ Family Dynamics
Individual contribution: When one partner feels that they are contributing more than the other to their overall life/ relationship this generally causes resentment. Couples can contribute in different ways to separate areas of their lives/relationships but if overall this is not of an approximately equal measure then problems will usually arise. Symptoms of this could include; one partner feeling exhausted/stressed, being accused of always 'nagging', that the other doesn't do enough/ certain chores, spends too long on their own interests or, is 'never there'. The couple may seem locked in a 'power struggle' or having problems with their finances/debt.
Trust: There can be various issues around trust in relationships. For example, if one partner has 'betrayed' the other by having an affair (or is found out to have been dishonest about anything significant), this will naturally affect the trust they previously shared. However, sometimes there has been no 'betrayal' and it is more about the fears and insecurities of the individual who feels unable to trust. Symptoms of this could include; one partner making constant accusations that the other is seeing someone else, lying, or going to let them down, leave them etc. They may seem very 'jealous' and suspicious and be constantly trying to interrogate the other, check their phone, e-mails etc.
Childhood/ Family Dynamics: Our childhood experiences and family dynamics will always be significant as to how we function in our adult relationships. Often the 'role' we adopt as a child will continue to be the same one we continue to play throughout our adult life. As children we learn quite quickly what is 'required of us', we want to please our parents/ carers and rely on them for our survival. We will also learn a lot by example, the relationship (or lack of) that we witness between our parents will (whether good or bad) form our own role model for how a relationship is 'meant to be'. For example it is not unusual for someone who grows up with an abusive or aggressive parent to end up with a partner who is very similar. As a result they may end up replicating within their own adult relationship the same type of dynamic they witnessed between their mother and father. Although this does not seem to make sense rationally, emotionally/subconsciously this feels 'right', familiar and 'how it's meant to be'.
All of these issues are likely to result in distance and resentment between a couple. The longer they go unresolved the more chance a relationship will eventually breakdown completely and/ or one partner may look elsewhere to have their needs met.
In order for relationship counselling to work, both individuals have to be willing to prioritise their relationships needs. They have to be committed to making appropriate changes or 'doing things differently' in order to benefit the future of their relationship. If the relationship is going to work both parties need to be willing to meet somewhere in the middle/reach a compromise regards their 'differences' which feels 'good enough' for each of their needs, expectations, values etc.